Considering everything that has happened in my life over May, I’d like to be able to think about the past month as having taken a step back in order to spring forwards. I’m holding onto the hope that this is just the chaos before the clarity. Although good things have happened this month, it really has not been great overall. Kind of like buying a tube of fruit pastilles before realising you only like the green sweets and you’re now stuck with the whole packet.
You see, April was possibly the best month of the year for me so far – I had come to terms with my future university decision and I said enough is enough to the gloominess hanging over me. I upped my exercise, got out of bed early everyday, and focussed on self-care and organisation. I was fighting to be able to look back and know that I did everything I could to make April a great month – and it worked. My general wellbeing improved and everything felt tinged in a shimmer of possibility.
But this couldn’t trip over the threshold into May apparently; I’m putting this down to a combination of stress and physical health problems. I had my final load of work for Open University to finish and, because of this, I spent hours staring at my laptop screen and pulling my hair out in the hope that this might be the magical combination for creating brilliant essays. I don’t know if it is or not, but either way I got through all of my work and sent in the final essay last weekend. I’m proud of myself for completing a full-time year with the OU, even though the reality of having reached the end point hasn’t actually hit me yet.
Perhaps this is because since the middle of the month I’ve been struggling with stomach pains that have been on and off for about a year now. This month they’ve been more frequent, and have refused to go away. On top of this, I caught some kind of virus that gave me a near-constant headache, made my eyes and glands swell up and caused everything to ache. I’ve been to the doctor several times already and they’re trying to figure it all out but I am struggling quite a bit to get on with everything.
Because of this, the inevitable has happened: the demise of my exercise plans and a serious lack of motivation for bullet journalling. Everything has sort of fallen apart. One thing I’ve really tried to keep going no matter what is blogging. It has been a great distraction and this month has been pretty good for my blog in several ways: I reached 800 followers, have hit the highest monthly page views I’ve ever had, started collaborating with more people, and finally set up my Instagram account.
Both online and in real life I’ve been focussing more on travel again: I’m starting to introduce more travel content onto my blog and I’m preparing myself for a month trip starting in roughly a week’s time. I am trying to be excited about this but feel a little apprehensive about it because of my current health issues.
To distract myself from everything going on in May I started watercolour painting, which I’m very intimidated and intrigued by. I don’t know if this will be something I keep doing, but for now I’m finding it helpful. I’ve also started reading a wonderful book about social anxiety and introversion, which is a topic I’ve wanted to write about on here for a while. This book is inspiring me a little, so look out for a post on that over the summer.
I’m hoping June is going to be a lot easier in terms of health. I really want to move past this, or at least put it to the side for a bit, so I can enjoy travelling with a friend I never get to see. Until then, I am taking it one day at a time and really trying to remain positive; I guess we’ll just have to wait and see how it all turns out. Stay tuned for that.
For now though, I hope you all had a lovely May and that June treats you well ❤
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