Snapshots of the conversations that are had between anxiety and I: the things we fight over, the discussions and debates we take part in and the struggle to reason with irrationality. Some of these are based on past events or reoccurring battles, some on more recent occasions, and some are simply extrapolations of experiences I’ve had.
Anxiety: Why do we do this ‘blogging’ thing?
Me: Do you have to ask this now? I’m trying to concentrate on writing a post.
Anxiety: You’re avoiding the question.
Me: Ufff. We blog because it’s fun, we enjoy writing, we like connecting with others, hopefully we have something at least a little worthwhile to say–
Anxiety: Ugh, really? You actually think that?
Me: …yeah? I hope so anyway.
Anxiety: And hope is enough for us to dedicate all of these hours to this?
Me: And sometimes people say we’re helping them, so I guess there’s that?
Anxiety: They don’t mean it.
Me: Hey! I think they do and that’s rude, don’t be mean to the people who support us.
Anxiety: Okay, okay, you’re right.
Me: Wow, I didn’t know you were capable of agreeing with me.
Anxiety: Not on many things.
Anxiety: Sometimes I just don’t feel like the posts we write are any good.
Me: Aw, well, I think–
Anxiety: Actually we’re not good at writing.
Me: That’s quite–
Anxiety: We’re bad, actually, now that I think about it… Some of the stuff we publish is embarrassing. AWFUL. No one cares about it. Really, why bother? Why are you making us put ourselves out there? It’s draining. I don’t know how long I can humour you on this, it’s just–
Me: Please, don’t ruin this for me. All we can do is try our best.
Anxiety: Try our best? What if our best is laughable?
Me: Then let people laugh.
Anxiety: You really don’t care if that happens?! This whole conversation is making me sweat, thinking of all those real faces behind screens actually reading our thoughts.
Me: That’s why blogging is such a good platform for us – we don’t have to let our fear of an audience get in the way. We just write, press publish and that’s it!
Anxiety: No no, it’s too much.
Me: I think you’re being a little ungrateful.
Me: You should be happy about it, a lot of the content is about you. You’re effectively the star of the show.
Anxiety: That’s EXACTLY why I don’t like it. You know I hate being the centre of attention!! You’re doing this to hurt me. And you’re making me look bad in front of everyone.
Me: …Maybe it makes you uncomfortable because you can see the reality of your decisions on my actions? And what I try to do to limit your influence?
Anxiety: Hey! You’re making me sound manipulative, controlling, emotionally abusive…
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