Snapshots of the conversations that are had between anxiety and I: the things we fight over, the discussions and debates we take part in and the struggle to reason with irrationality. Some of these are based on past events or reoccurring battles, some on more recent occasions, and some are simply extrapolations of experiences I’ve had.
Me: Ohh, that cafe has a sign in the window! Hopefully it’s for a job.
Anxiety: Nah, it won’t be, they never have job adverts up.
Me: Well they must do sometimes, they can’t keep the same staff forever.
Anxiety: Of course they can! Come on, let’s go home.
Me: But we haven’t even given out one CV yet, and that’s what we came to town to do.
Anxiety: Relax! It’s fine, we’ll just look for jobs online.
Me: But it looks like they might have a job, we might as well pop in and chat to them.
Anxiety: What’s the point? They’ll probably have an advert online too, everyone does these days.
Me: Hey, don’t mess this up for us, you know as well as I do it creates more of an impression if someone physically hands in a CV.
Anxiety: Pff, but what kind of impression are we going to give them…
Me: A good one of course! We can do that!
Me: What? We can! You don’t think we can?
Me: Why not? Are you going to tell me why?
Anxiety: Do you really need me to?
Me: It will only go badly if you decide to speak up, it’s just a barista job. We have the experience for that.
Anxiety: I don’t know if we do, we only did it for a few months and that was a while ago. We’ve probably forgotten all of that.
Anxiety: Oh and we’re not wearing the right kind of clothes for that place. It looks too hipster.
Me: Too hipster?
Anxiety: Yeah it’s cool in there. The people who work there are chill. We are not chill.
Anxiety: That’s why we’re going to leave now, it’s not for us. We can’t do customer service, or memorise menus, or work shifts with cool people, or do latte art, or look nice in that uniform, or –
Me: Shut up! It doesn’t matter, I’m going in.
Anxiety: No no no, stop, you haven’t thought about this enough. You’re making a decision too fast, stop!
Me: No, I’ve thought about it too much. Be quiet, I need to concentrate.
Anxiety: Oh my god, oh my god, oh my –
Me: “Hi, I saw the job advert in the window?”
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